gratitude

egnargal — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:32:21 +0000

Gratitude comes in different flavors. My experience of it lead me to think that we are not grateful for something or someone, but that we are either in contact with the feeling or we are not. It is a feeling that resides in a special place, and we can experience a handful of it when we visit that place, like you can find lots of ice cream when you go to the ice cream shop.

Sometimes people we meet down our path play significant roles in helping us reach, or in teaching us things that matter to us. The more significant the role, the more meaningful the thing, and the more gratitude we feel. These tidbits of gratitude are not like the entire range of ice cream you can get at the ice cream store. They’re more like the ice cream you can find in general store freezers. Does this matter? Not really. The same way you can access ice cream at your favorite corner store if you look for the freezer, you also know that each time you see a person that helped you, you can revive the gratitude, re-own it, and re-experience yourself as a grateful being.

I was musing with these thoughts while waiting for the kettle to boil water for my tea when Natasha, a colleague of mine that I almost never see popped up in that friendly corner of our large one floor office, holding a plastic container full of cereal flakes. She also needed water. I’ve been sharing the same large office with her for 7 years, and have very rarely worked with her on projects. I love Natasha for her youthful face and smile. But what Natasha did for me, and that anyone else was able to do, is to never give up on my driving license.

Whoever is willing to hear about my driving license story will know that the only reason I got it is “Natasha. Having been in a half “giving up” mood for more than 5 years, I was inventing all sorts of reasons to convince me that I needn’t drive. In fact, I was plain scared and didn’t believe in success. Her belief in success, her lack of fear from being an experienced driver, and most of all her interest in me and this little project of mine made it all happen. She heard all my objections, but stayed firm. I would get it, and she wouldn’t give up, no matter how long it would take me to act.

Was I fearless? No. I trembled while waiting in the lounge before the driving test. But I made it through the fear. And I made it through the fear because Natasha stood up for me in my life on something I was too weak to stand up for myself.

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gratitude